Cube Moves In

Cube Takes Seat as Commissioner, Promises Sweeping Changes

While the results from San Diego two weeks ago are still just starting to sink in for Kaiju fans everywhere, the Kaiju Regulatory Commission swallowed a sudden dose of reality as the nefarious Dr. Cube took office as the new Kaiju Commissioner this week. After winning the Commissioner's seat through questionable methods, Commissioner Cube attempted to address concerns over the future of his rule, taking an unexpected tone in addressing the media today.

"Fans of Kaiju Big Battel, I'm sure all of you have many questions and concerns over how I, Dr. Cube, will run the Kaiju Regulatory Commission," said Cube in his inaugural address. "Rest assured, I will not run things like my predecessor. Just because the original Kaiju Commissioner held his seat for so long doesn't mean he was any good at the job. You have come to expect less from the KRC, but I feel like you deserve more, and I intend on giving you just that."

Cube's speech was surprisingly calm, positive, eloquent, and without any significant angry outbursts. Cube promised a more righteous, fair KRC with an emphasis on integrity. He said that past grudges were bygones, and he will treat every monster and Kaiju Hero with respect and fairness. While Cube said all the right things today, one has to wonder what caused the sudden change in heart from the nefarious doctor. Can Cube be trusted? Only time will tell!

Kaiju Crushes ESPN, E:60 Into Dust

The Worldwide Leader in Sports became the Worldwide Leader in Monster Wrestling Journalism Video Stories last week, as ESPN's popular newsmagazine show E:60 aired an exclusive look at the world of live monster wrestling with a feature on Kaiju Big Battel.

While the piece was incredibly well-produced and provided arguably the best national television coverage for Kaiju Big Battel yet, there's simply no way you can experience all of Kaiju Big Battel in one 3:40 clip. Which is why you need to get to the Kaiju Mall and get your hands on as many DVDs as possible, including Kaiju in 3-D, which was the featured Battel in the piece.

Kaiju Big Battel once again wants to thank ESPN for the great coverage, and we can only imagine what will come next. Kaiju highlights leading off the 11 PM Sportscenter? Louden Noxious and the Beav as fill-in hosts on PTI? Dr. Cube as a panelist on Around the Horn? Or even Steam Powered Tentacle Boulder showing up in World's Strongest Man reruns at 3 AM on ESPN 2? The possibilities are endless!

"Things Getting Awkward" Between Uchu Chu and Yarsminko

Uchu Chu, who remains cursed after losing to Dr. Cube last month in San Diego (despite an impressive showing against the rest of the Posse), has returned from his sabbatical and regained his seat of control over Team Space Bug. But the path back to the Swarm hasn't been an easy one, nor does it look like its getting any better.

In Uchu's absence, former roommate Yarsminko assumed control of the Swarm, but didn't necessarily appreciate Uchu's vacation time. In San Diego, Yars answered Uchu's open challenge, and in a fight that seemingly meant control over Team Space Bug, Uchu Chu defeated Yarsminko somewhat handily.

While interactions are relatively civil between the two former "best bros", sources indicate that "things have been getting awkward" between the two lately, with Uchu possibly under the assumption that Yarsminko and Dr. Cube may have conspired against him. Will Team Space Bug sink further into disarray? We'll see in the coming weeks!