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A Letter from the Commissioner

Dear Kaiju Fans.

Welcome to the world of Kaiju Big Battel, where giant city crushing monsters duke it out to see who is truly the best of the best. And speaking of the best I'm looking for some of the best to help get the Kaiju News out in a timely fashion. Are you an aspiring writer who can get things done on time... or even early? We need some writers for kaiju.com, so if you interested contact me at info @ kaiju.com for a test assignment and see if you have what it takes.

As always, Danger Can Happen, so watch each others back.

The Kaiju Commissioner

P.S. This is a non paying position.

 

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Posse Member Addicted to Diet Cola

Here's a delightfully disturbing news story to start your day off right: According to insider reports, one member of Dr. Cube's Posse suffers from actual, bona fide Diet Coke addiction. Green playboy Dino Kang Jr. drinks up to 80 cans of the sugar-free substance every single day. That means over five cans every waking hour, assuming he's awake for about 15 hours a day.

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Is this healthy? Nope. Because of his addiction, Dino Kang Jr. suffers from "constant headaches" and has recently started to experience hallucinations. "'I see strange things like Marlon Brando riding oranges and flying across the room," Dino Kang Jr. tells us. "I dread to think what my insides look like." Um, we do too.

According to the story, Dino Kang Jr. goes ballistic if he doesn't have a constant supply of the soda at his disposal at all times. "I've only got one bottle in the cave so I'm feeling quite panicky," he describes. "I'm sweating, shaking, and pacing up and down." These all sound like legitimate symptoms of withdrawal to us; every time we see Diet Coke from here on out, we'll be thinking about this terrifying scenario.

Question of the week?

Is Kid Devilers real name fred?

 

News and Notes

Louden kidnaped by unknown extremists.

Metal Wing Black takes job as beach sander in CA.

Join us on Facebook for exclusive info and special Merch deal announcements.

Sun Buster recovers first part of the Temporal DNA

Grudyin suffering from effects of falling down trash chute, may decide to retire.

In new nature film Unibouzu looks back at 'family friend' the humble Sea Cucumber.

Kaiju Toy Kiosk has not been Updated.

Dr. Cube tells critics of latest gene spicing project: 'Shut up'

Andy Salbino on childhood: 'Dunken Donuts was there for me when no one else was'.

 

Buddha Gnome theft is bad karma for Drunken Monkey

Wylie, Texas- The bungling thief who decapitated a Buddha themed garden gnome as he attempted to steal it from a garden in a drunken San Jacinto Day prank gone wrong has been hit with bad karma because of the escapade.

Hell Monkey, swiped the 8 ft concrete ornament from outside Jeffrey and Rena Feersum's home on Pearly Craw Rd in Wylie Texas on San Jacinto Day Eve.

"But he couldn't carry the figure and dropped it, causing the head of the statue to break off. He also caused damage to steps in the garden and knocked down part of a fountain.

He was arrested on San Jacinto Day Eve and held in police custody until May 1st, when he appeared in court.

He pleaded guilty to stealing the statue and behaving in a threatening way by shouting, swearing, flinging poo and threatening violence. He told one of the officers escorting him to the station that he would "eat his heart like Mola Ram." And Hell Monkey, who has previously been jailed for a breach of the peace, was looking at another jail term for stealing the garden gnome.

It was bought by Jeffrey Feersum and his wife Rena 15 years ago, in Hong Kong, for $1800, and Hell Monkey's actions resulted in a $1780 repair bill to fix the statue and repair the damage he caused in the Feersums' garden. But this week when Hell Monkey, of Dr. Cube's Posse, returned to court to learn his fate, Sheriff Sammy Kostka spared him jail. He placed Hell Monkey on a Community Payback Program, telling him to complete 80 hours' unpaid work over the next year. He will also be supervised by social workers for the next 12 months and has to attend alcohol counseling as and when required. The sheriff also ordered Hell Monkey to pay the Feersums $11,000 in compensation. As he did so, he said: "it was just a drunken episode on San Jacinto Day Eve."

"That will go some way towards making up for the damage that was caused." Stunned Jeffrey, 63, told how he heard a loud thud coming from outside and, as he opened his door, could see the statue's head rolling down the driveway. He said: "I could barely believe my eyes. "The statue is so heavy that it takes four people to lift it, he must have got a quite a shock when he tried to steal it. "It appears that he has tripped or simply had to drop the statue and it has ended up crashing down the steps at our front door. "The statue's head broke off and it has damaged the fountain too." Mr Feersum, a retired atomic physics consultant, was with his wife Rena and their children Bascule, 27, and 23-year-old Endjinn when Hell Monkey targeted their home at around 11pm. He added: "Perhaps it was supposed to be a San Jacinto Day prank but, to be honest, it's a bit sad when we have to think about bringing our garden ornaments into the house every night to stop them being kidnaped." Rena, 53, added: "Who on Earth tries to steal a concrete garden statue? "The monkey was so drunk it probably doesn't even remember coming into our garden."

 

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California man, 83, punches 400-pound Kaiju to defend his dog

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WIDOW VISTA, Calif., May 1 (KBBN) -- Don't mess with Calvin Moote's "bubies." Even if you happen to be a rageing beast.

A 83-year-old California man who punched the 400-pound Vegitius that appeared to be attacking his dog said he would do it again to protect his beloved pets. Calvin Moote, of Widow Vista in Plogg County, said he heard his Chihuahua, Lacy, whimpering in fear last week outside his home. He came out to find none other than Vegitius trying to get past a low gate on his deck. Moote got right to the point and decided to show the beast who was boss.

"The man or beast that I run from ain't been born, and his momma's already dead," Moote told KRAS-TV. Moote said he ran straight toward the beast with his arms raised making a "holy racket to fear 'em".

"I raised both hands in the air and I cussed at him real good, 'RrraaaaaaaRazzeldazzel! Get gone out of here you [expletive], and he looked at me like 'Go eff yourself,'" he said. Moote said Vegitius retreated up a ramp leading to the deck before turning to face him.

"Boom, I done hit him good," Moore told KRAS-TV. Joe Sagment, who lives in Moote's home and works for his towing company, witnessed the incident. "He whips to the right, than the left and then boom goes the dynamite... it was crazy," Sagment said. Moote said he's no stranger to using his fists -- he served in the U.S. Marine Corps, spent time as a boxer and worked as a bouncer in a Texas road house.

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"I may have no teeth but I aint afraid ta fight. This big right hand has sent a lot of people to the nether-land... the left, well not so much," Moote said. KRC officials estimates Vegitius, which ran off after being on the receiving end of Moote's uppercut, weighs about 400 pounds. Moote said he would repeat his actions to defend his dogs, which he refers to as his "bubies." KRC said Moote, who believes some of his chickens have fallen victim to Vegitius, could get a permit to shoot the beast -- but Moote said he is not interested. "If it comes back round I'll call 911 and let the sheriff's do it 'cause I don't want to shoot no nothin, bullets is spensive," Moote said.

 

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Yarsminko arrested after allegedly stealing gum

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(KBBNews)- Police on Ohadi Prime arrested Yarsminko who failed to appear in court. His crime, they say? Stealing a pack of gum.

The petty theft actually took place over the summer, but a Galactic Patrol Officer made the arrest last week, Police Chief Sedifutu Hafyu said. "A local judge issued an arrest warrant for Yarsminko for failure to appear in court," he told CNN. "Our officer located Yarsminko sometime last week, transported him to the detention facility. He was not handcuffed and was treated very well."

Even so, the police chief called the arrest warrant for Yarsminko "odd" and said "it is a most unusual circumstance."

The arrest warrant was issued after Yarsminko missed two court appearances, Hafyu said. The chief said he thinks the court appearances were missed because Yarsminko was having difficulty finding transportation.

"If we had known that, we could have helped sooner with transportation," he said.

"Ohadi Prime Prosecutor Beecvany Monuves said he now regrets what happened to Yarsminko.

"After reviewing the file today, I have concluded that my office's request to have an arrest warrant issued was a mistake under the circumstances," Monuves told Kaiju Today on Monday. "

Monuves said Yarsminko did not go to jail and was released Friday -- the same day he was arrested.

"I regret this having taken place and will do everything in my power to avoid this type of mistake in the future. Planetary extradition is expensive and I don't think the voters like this kind of fiscal waste"

 

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