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Silver Potato


Origins of a Hero Spud

Silver Potato, Kaiju's beloved super-hero, started his heroic life like most humans, delivered to earth as a gurgling pink baby. Many years and repressed memories later, the young spud acquired a full-time job as a Blokbuster Video clerk and spent his post-pubescent days watching action movies, repeating lines from Kevin Smith's Clerks, break dancing, and devouring bags of popcorn. He was, to put it bluntly, the average American loser.


Life can change on a dime and Potato's did during one fateful lunch break. Alone in the Blokbuster employee lunchroom, the retail worker began heating up his favorite brown bag meal of baked potatoes and cheddar cheese when a terrible explosion occurred involving several VCRs, an overloaded circuit, a microwave oven, a Bruce Willis movie, and the cheese-dripping, foil-wrapped potato. When the smoke cleared, it became evident that the aluminum-clad food had commingled with the retail worker's DNA.


Following the accident, the transmuted tuber spent many months in isolation. Dumped by his starch-hating girlfriend and fired from the video store for blowing up its back room, Potato had plenty of time to master his newfound radioactive powers. Not only did Potato realize that he now possessed finely honed wit and dashing charisma, he also discovered that he had supernormal speed and agility.


Six months later, when the sparkling Potato emerged from his fusty apartment, he began using his super powers to shred injustice and thwart humiliation against decent people everywhere. And as soon as the FBI caught wind of Potato's maverick ways, the US Government abducted, er, quietly recruited him to its ranks, grooming the carbohydrate-heavy veggie into a national weapon of justice.


During this bureau-sponsored crime fighting period, Silver Potato first encountered the malignant ways of Dr. Cube. The demented Doctor had been mass-producing poisoned dog food under the company name PAPER AND SLIPPERS, NO MORE and marketing the chow as propaganda for puppy empowerment. When Potato learned about Cube's deadly product, he single-handedly foiled the smarmy plot by destroying the secret location of the crudely-proteinized dog food factory. The Food and Drug Administration heard about Potato's super nutrient prowess and the FDA lobbied to get him enlisted its ranks. Leery of a life spent fighting mad cow disease, Potato resigned from the high life of a government subsidized crime stopper and turned to Kaiju Big Battel, working as an aide to the former Commissioner.


Since his arrival to Kaiju, Silver Potato has wowed the fans with his Double-Baked attack, good looks, and irrepressible charm. But Cube can't be swayed in his distaste for the starchy vegetable: Silver Potato was the first wrestler to fall victim to the wiles of Kaiju Big Battel after Cube had seized the federation from its incompetent commissioner. During a KBB-sanctioned tag team match, Potato hit a Spudsault and defeated Uchu Chu and Hell Monkey; Cube was so distraught, he sent his Minions in to kidnap the semi-precious potato.


Nevertheless, Kaiju fans love Silver Potato, likely because his story insinuates a moral that comforts the lazy: even losers have a second chance at greatness.

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