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Los Plantanos

Los Plantanos Are Not Yellow

Planted in the fertile jungles of politically charged South America, Pedro and Pablo Plantain grew up as products of a corrupt military regime led by the whimsically evil Sock Puppet Dictator. A cult of colored-food-hating racists, the Plantains' third-world oppressors forced all bright fruits and vegetables to sit at the back of tractors, use dry watering holes, and obey pre-dawn curfews. The situation was less publicized than apartheid, but just as bad.

But Pedro and Pablo hated being treated like animals. The Sock Dictator's soldiers would spray their family members with pesticides when they came home late. The mean militiamen would put Scarlet Letter-ish stickers on the Plantains' torsos if they forgot to wear their government-sanctioned uniforms. And if any pigmented fruits or vegetables would publicly express dissent, their tormentors would hang them from trees.

Belittled and furious, the brave Plantain brothers secretly gathered together a group of freedom-fighting guerillas to wage war against colored-fruit persecution. Preaching liberation, equality, and independence for all pigmented seed plants, the charismatic Twins quickly gained a faithful following amongst farmers, tomatoes, and avocados all along the countryside.

But while the Plantains' intentions were sincere, their resources were scarce. After months of hitchhiking in disguise to makeshift rallies and dressing up as coconuts to sell packages of Chiclets on the streets, Los Platanos realized there was only way to free themselves and their fellow vibrant fruits: mucho dinero. Yes, the Plantain Twins needed pesos, lots and lots of pesos. Burdened with responsibility and inspired by Che Guevara, the Twins left their beloved homeland and headed to America, in the hopes of raising cash on the U.S.'s politically-conscious colleges and universities.

Soon after arriving to America as stowaways on a banana boat, Los Plantanos were sidetracked from their campaign for plantain liberation by the thrill of adventure in American cities like Miami, New York, Boston and Los Angeles. Los Platanos had never before witnessed anything quite like shopping malls, swimming pools, and the Cable channel E!, so they became easily distracted by America's opulence. Not being able to stay in one place for very long, the Plantain Twins quickly developed a reputation for low attention spans, thrill-seeking whims, and a deep love for good ol' fashion fun. But somehow Plantain fun always turned into trouble.

Trouble found the Twins at a "Making Millions is Easy" seminar when Los Platanos stumbled upon two yellow fruits calling themselves Pablo and Pedro Plantain who were giving a motivational speech entitled, "How To Earn Billions By Pretending You're a South American Freedom Fighter."

As the Twins' discovered in the lecture, the imposter plants had stolen their Social Security numbers and taken their respected Plantain name to the bank by wrestling on the underground circuit. The imposters looked like big yellow plantains (some would argue they looked similar to bananas) and they billed themselves as a tag-team wonder. Anyway, to make a long story short, the real Plantain Twins wrestled the imposters in a Grudge Match, lawfully won back their identities, and got offered contracts in Kaiju. The rest is Kaiju Big Battel history.

And whatever happened to the Plantain Twins freedom fighting South American brothers, you ask? Well, the entire extended family of Los Plantanos are now funded with monster-wrestling prize money provided by Pedro and Pablo. So, the good fight for liberation goes on: freedom-fighting Plantains battle oppression and injustice in the South American jungle, and Pedro and Pablo battel oppression and injustice in the Kaiju Big Battel ring.

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