April 1st - Middle East Upstairs
Kaiju Rally Party
Come party with Kaiju Big Battel as they celebrate their 10th episode of Action Blast on G4TV. On April 1st the Kaiju crew will host a musical and visual blow out at the Middle East Club in Cambridge, MA. Joining various Kaiju personalities will be Japanese action comic punk superstars Peelander-Z (on the last night of their US Happee Mania Tour), Gelatine (bombshell fronted Japanese horror-core band from NYC), and Carlisle Sound (groovy cover set by members of Ponies in the Surf, Major Stars, and Pants Yell).
In addition to the music, there will be a video installation showcasing all the new Kaiju Battels from G4TV's Action Blast, and some top-secret surprises. Most importantly, the Kaiju Commissioner will announce the date and location of the next live Kaiju Big Battel event! This ain't no April Fools day joke.
Kaiju Rally Party
Carlisle Sound as The Kinks
Kaiju G4TV Video Installation
When: April 1st, doors at 9PM
Where: Middle East Club Upstairs, Cambridge, MA
Tix: 18+, $9
Cube Must Fight All
Dr. Cube and the members of his Posse have had a pretty good run over the last two years. Heroes have been humiliated, Space Bugs have been slain, and the Kaiju Championship Belt has been captured. Today however, their "monster miracle" got a slap of reality from the big hand of the KRC.
At a press conference this morning, the Kaiju Commissioner announced a new stipulation for the Kaiju Championship Belt, dubbed the "24-7 mandate." According to the newly drafted article 4815-16, sub-clause 2342, this rule dictates that "the owner(s) of the Kaiju Championship Belt, henceforth "The Title", MUST, if under the officiating of an authorized and/or ruling body, henceforth "The Ref", defend the aforementioned Title to all challengers, in combat, with no prior notice warranted, while within the confines of the Kaiju Universe. So THERE!" In short, the 24-7 mandate means that any member of Kaiju Big Battel can challenge Dr. Cube for the Championship Belt at anytime. Hypothetically, if Super Wrong accidentally bumped into Dr. Cube on a deserted street he could challenge him for a chance at the Kaiju Championship Belt.
According to an embedded press agent at Cube's secret desert-compound lab, Dr. Cube is furious about the new mandate, and has been heard wailing about "KRC conspiracy theories", "legal mumbo jumbo", and "balderdash."
Anti-Cube Forces Crash Minion Rally
In preparation for their Million Minion March on March 31st, Dr. Cube supporters launched a "Minion Rally" dry-run in Washington D.C. on February 14th. The 10,000 strong parade of Cube supporters marched a mere 1.5 kilometers before they were violently confronted by a grassroots organization known as the Anti-Cube League Union (ACLU).
Tensions between the pro and anti-Cube factions quickly rose, and the police ordered the hostile crowd to disperse. Soon after, scuffling and fighting broke out. The Valentine's Day Riot, as it came to be known, reached a fiery climax when a band of Molotov cocktail-hurling Minions firebombed several official KRC Plantain concession stands. Local police arrested 193 people, including both Cube and ACLU supporters.
The ACLU has championed the good fight for years, but recently has had little success stopping the evil Dr. Cube's Posse. With this confrontation however, the ACLU has delivered a loud message: Dr. Cube will no longer go unchallenged by the good people of Earth. Claiming that the upcoming Million Minion March "is in essence a threat of terror to the fair streets of the Kaiju Capital," the ACLU has promised to meet the planned Cube rally with a similar counter-protest. This groundbreaking development has many public officials concerned about massive civil unrest at the Million Minion March, on March 31st.
CMK No Win, Ever
Recently, a furious debate broke out on the Kaiju Message Board about whether Call-Me-Kevin, often cited as a lifetime loser, actually earned a Kaiju win. Citing a Kaiju Commentary as evidence, the Board members petitioned the KRC for a review of Kevin's record. Upon review, it was determined that Kevin is indeed winless, and the commentary in question was actually hacked by none other than fellow Sea Amigo D.W. Cycloptopuss III.
KRC agents believe that Cycloptopuss was not trying to lend a hand to Call-Me-Kevin, but that he was actually attempting to get even with Unibouzu. Allegedly, Unibouzu had filled Cycloptopuss' Gatorade bottle with a warm, light-yellow liquid and Cycloptopuss has been in a Rogue rage ever since. The clam-scented Kaiju was so irate that he breached kaiju.com's security measures and altered a commentary covering a successful win by the Sea Amigos, replacing all mentions of Unibouzu with Call-Me-Kevin's name.
This controversy has exposed serious turmoil within the Sea Amigos allaince. When reached for comment, the Kaiju Commissioner stated that "This is precisely why the Kaiju Regulatory Commission does not recognize the Sea Amigos as a legitimate team. They obviously can not handle all the responsibilities, rights, and privileges of an official KBB faction." When asked if he thought the Sea Amigos would ever become an official faction. The Commissioner simply responded, "As of now, they don't have the leadership."
Stay tuned to kaiju.com for news on this developing story, and in the meantime you may want to pick up a Sea Amigos T-Shirt - if the aquatic alliance breaks up, they might be more collectable than a MLWO T.
Ask Dr. Cube
Illustrious leader, thank you for giving us a day off on President's Day. The holiday allowed me some much-needed time to ponder your great deeds. I spent most of this time thinking about all the cruel things you could be doing to that poor excuse of a Kaiju Hero, Silver Potato. I don't think he's worth the rotten dog food you force-feed him. But hey, he's not my prisoner. So, my question is what are your plans for Silver Potato?
Your devoted follower,
I'm glad to hear that you used your day off in a productive, pro-Cube fashion. As for the fate of the goober tuber, this image courtesy of Yumi Fujita perfectly demonstrates the current state of affairs for Silver Potato.
My plans for the dud spud have been progressing quite nicely, most recently with the successful execution of a pioneering surgical experiment. Unfortunately, for security's sake, I can not reveal the exact nature of the medical procedure. Nonetheless, you can sleep well knowing that the new and improved Silver Potato will behave like a totally different Kaiju fighter.
Email your questions, concerns, and deepest secrets to email@example.com.
Kaiju Action Blast Battel Contest Winner
Congratulations to Bryan Stetser! This young 6-year old lad has been selected by Dr. Cube to pick the next Action Blast Battel. So Bryan, send us your preferred T-shirt size and we'll send you a T-shirt from Dr. Cube's Merch Lab and a brand-named block puzzle courtesy of Dr. Cube.
Want to win a Kaiju contest? Then email your Plantain themed art, DIY toys, photos, etc. to firstname.lastname@example.org. The best Plantain Twin themed submission will not only be crowned March Otaku Fan King, but will also win the new Los Plantanos Solidarity shirt.
Question of the Week
Who wears diapers?