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When Pablo Plantain suffered a fruital fatality at Someone Must Die!, Kaiju Big Battel changed forever. Many believed that Dr. Cube had finally gone too far, but who could stop him? With the loss of Pablo to the grim grocer, and the treacherous Silver Potato joining Cube's Posse, the Kaiju Heroes appeared to be going down the one-way drain of the Kaiju toilet. The Kaiju Heroes were not ready to succumb to the sewage suckage however, and accepted Dr. Cube's declaration of All Out War! Before a sold-out crowd at the Warsaw in Brooklyn, a legion of fans were treated to an epic night of Big Battels that would mark the rise of the Heroes out of the Kaiju dumper and back into the Big Battel limelight. Fighto 1: Kong Quest
From the second Referee Jingi signaled the Battel's start, Hell Monkey showed why he is one of Dr. Cube's favorite creations. Employing a nasty mixed bag of trickery and sheer brutality, the one-eyed ape from the darkside trounced all over the more inexperienced Grudyin. The Grudyin countered by launching a sinister battery of offensive moves against Hell Monkey as he tried to clear a path between him and the Empire State Building's towering facade. Dodging a series of foreign objects, including a jack hammer, a black metal mallet, and several over-sized barrels of the Donkey-Kong variety, Hell Monkey managed to elude The Grudyin's attack and soon had reestablished his dominance by crushing Grudyin's toothy skull against the side of the Empire State Building. With The Grudyin stunned, Hell Monkey was able to scale what was by then a mangled skyscraper and capture the flag. In a shocking move, Hell Monkey then placed the flag into to the Apes of Wraths corner, and the Tag Team name remained untamed. Kaiju analysts speculate that Hell Monkey never actually intended to change the tag team name but merely wanted to assert his position as the top furry fury in the Posse. Fighto 2: Pixie-Fungi Feud
What was set to be Shrooma Tango's debut match, and Powa Ranjuru's first solo fighto in years quickly fell apart as the CIA Imposter Plantains came rushing into the ring with arrest warrants in hand. After hog-tying Shrooma Tango, the CIA Imposters set their sights on Powa Ranjuru. Appearently, the Imit Plantains wanted to arrest Powa for illegal possession of Pixie Dust, a class D (for Danger) substance! When they tried to arrest Ranjuru however, she unleashed an acrobatic assault that harshed the mellows of both Kaiju narcs. When the CIA Imposters managed to briefly regain the upperhand, Powa received an assist from Hero hare Dusto Bunny who happened to be nearby. With the combined power of Dusto's super-bunny strength and Powa's angelic aerial attack, it wasn't long before the Imposter Plantains were feeling dazed and abused. Match 3: Protect the Bridge or Press Restart!
As the H.I.T. absorbed hit after hit after hit, American Beetle yelled words of encourangement en espanol, until he could not stand idly by as his intern got trounced on. Beetle tried desperately to revive his intern with a bucket of water, but it was too little too late. The intern mounted a feeble comeback, but it was cut short when Giii delivered a devastating bomb dive off the top ropes, leveling both the Hero-In-Training and the New Brooklyn Bridge in one fell swoop. Match 4: World's Biggest Loser Contest
Jingi declared Super Wrong unfit to fight, and was ready to declare him the Biggest Loser in the Big Battel, but he blood thirsty fans demanded a fighto and threated to rush the ring if ace Kaiju commentator Louden Noxious didn't deliver a match. Not knowing what to do, Louden asked who they wanted to see fight the sea beast, and suddenly every single finger pointed in his direction. Reluctantly, Louden entered the ring and began to lock up with Call-Me-Kevin. What followed must have seemed like an epic battel to Louden and Call-Me-Kevin, but to everyone else, it was more along the lines of two weaklings fighting it out after school. After a super kick and an off-the-top-rope head butt, Louden Noxious secured a victory in his first time inside the ring, and Call-Me-Kevin scored his most pathetic loss ever. Battel 5: Big Battel, Fine Print
With both Silver Potato and Dr. Cube \handed a defeat at the hands of the Pedro Plantain and Soup, one can only wonder who chose as his championship challenger at the upcoming Boston Big Battel. With so many questions answered at this past battel, we are forced to ask new ones. What will become of the most famous tag teams in the history of both good and evil? Is the once-rakish Rogue Soup turning over a new label by befriending Pedro Plantain? Is this the opportunity the Heroes need to mount a full-fledged comeback? What does Dr. Cube have in store for the world? Make sure you are at the Avalon in Boston on October 20th to find out! |
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